Selfish child?

Was watching Desperate Housewife to get me out of my misery, and something that the priest say to Gabriel appeal to me more than ever, am I just a selfish child that is whining for more attention? I don't really know the answer. Here I am writing my blog after i been out with my pals. Till date(and to the near future), I will always tell the people in my world that being in Perth and knowing them are the best things that could have happen to me. I will always stand by this statement. Even though I am somewhat dissapointed. I know this entry may not make any sense to anyone.. but i am just trying to get it out of my chest and hopefully out of my mind. Cos i know that if this thing stay, I couldn't go back to who I was and how I spend my time with them. And at the end of it, perhaps someone can tell me whether am I the selfish child?

I was very much hurt by the incident that when I was ill then went to KTV without me. As I yearn to go there since Monday after my exam but uncle rejected flatly cause wen haven finish hers. Accepted that as a result, cos Ohana means family, it means nobody get left behind. But on Thursday, they went without me, i felt so deserted. Am i wrong to be ill, what have i done wrong? It is because I studied too much and din join them for dinner, thats why they are angry with me?? Perhaps someone who know the reason can enlighten me.. Anyway, I was sad, really sad and disappointed. So when they came to visit me that very nite, i din know how to react and i did wat i normally would, kinda of ignore them. And i think they sense it, so they decided to go back. Felt bad about it, so i told myself that "hey, it is just a ktv session, you can go yourself, dun be like a kid" thus, the courage to ask wen how the ktv session goes. Though, i was draggin my feet while doing that task. It hurts and i think it shows but thanks god for technology, no one will know.

Then, a crazy idea appear in my mind. I was thinking perhaps if i were to leave the same week as uncle, then we would not have to have a painful departure and i think all will be happier. Cos i dun know wat had happen between us but i know it definitely hurt the relationship that we enjoy. How i love the times when we were at MR. Or am i wrong to join them for dinner?? I don't know.. truely. I still might pull the stunt cos i am still relunctant to move in with them. Cos if i move in with them, i can't pull the stunt anymore.

I think what makes this whole thing worse is that i am still homeless after the 5 july. I got no place to move to.. this really breaks me.. I din know that finding a place is so difficult and humiliating.. how many times have i cried over this i have already lost count. but i am not going to admit that i have lost, cos no one like to be associated with a loser.. me neither. I will strive on to find a place to stay cos i really believe that i will wan some space.. maybe i am really a selfish child??

After ranting like an super irritating ah soh, I will send my wishes to Core, who will be leaving for the airport later at 5 to fly back to malaysia for holiday and Elaine who is going back for holiday as well. Hopefully i will see u guy and gal after your holiday. Bon Voyage!!!

Feeling better... and no more crying over petty stuff...
DazednConfused